First,
we must understand what abuse is NOT. It is NOT failure
to get your own way.
The definition for abuse in the dictionary is to treat badly by mistreatment, violence, neglect, exploitation, molestation, battering, hurting and injury. Abuse is harsh and insulting language, name-calling, and the use of foul language, insults, invective, criticizism, and verbal attacks.
A large number of Christians live with emotional and/or physical abuse. But, before God can help, we must admit our problem and face the reality of the situation.
As Christians, we search the Word of God to find answers about how to deal with the circumstances and problems we are facing in our lives. However, many times we fail to understand what God's Word has to say or is saying to us, because we are looking for the chapter and verse that has the answers we need. We must learn how to understand and apply God's principles to our lives.
A
principle is a truth that is a foundation for other truths, a rule of
conduct. We are going to find many principles in the following scriptures,
and we are going to learn how to apply them to our lives.
Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:22-6:7 (KJV)
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eye service, as men pleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men.“
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (KJV)
“That the wife should not leave her husband and that the husband should not send his wife away.“
Jesus taught the same thing in Matthew 19:6 (KJV)
“What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder“ (or separate).
1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV)
“Yet if the unbelieving one leaves let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.“
The word leave means depart or let go. The concept of letting go embodies more than mere physical absence.
Scripture does not deal specifically with the problem of abuse. Yet, the Gospels are full of examples of Jesus' compassion.
Psalms 103:13-14 (ASV)
“Like as a father pitieth his children, so Jehovah pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.“
Since thought always precedes actions, we can assume that abuse or cruelties are outward manifestations, reflecting a mental state of abandonment. Paul was dealing with a physical separation. However, there can also be a psychological severing, an emotional letting go. It is just as devastating and real as a mate's actual physical departure.
You will never hear of anyone who verbally abuses or batters another person claim they do it because they love that person or persons, or because it is how they want to be treated themselves.
Any person who mistreats and maligns anyone, who wounds someone psychologically and/or physically, has “let go“. You may be living under the same roof, but if they neglect your needs and destroy you as a person by attacking your body, soul or spirit, mentally they have left.
The Lord does not expect or want anyone to suffer mental or bodily harm at the hands of one who is supposed to sacrificially love you. God does not want you to be oppressed or incapacitated by fear. If someone controls, or tries to control your mind and activities with threats or brutality, they are enslaving you.
1 Corinthians 7:23 (KJV)
“Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.“
I need to say it once more; abuse is NOT failure to get your own way.
Removing yourself and/or your children, or someone you love, from danger is not selfish, is not sinful, is not unsubmissive, it is smart. If you are reading this and you a young person or teenager who is to young to leave on your own, I encourage you to seek out the wisdom of your pastor or an adult friend you can trust. God does not want you living in a dangerous situation, there is a way out, Jesus cares and He will help you.
2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.“
God is a loving Father who does not want you to live in a spirit of confusion, not knowing what to do or say next.
1 Corinthians 14:33 (KJV)
“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.“
1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV)
“God has called us to peace.“
We must forgive those who have abused us. I know that is hard and sometimes feels like an impossible thing to do, but Jesus will help us. However, before He can help us, we must make a conscious decision to forgive the one who has hurt and abused us.
Prayer
I thank you Father, that Your Word is truth. I trust Your love for me and I know You always have my best interest at heart. Jesus, I choose to forgive_______________ (insert name) for abusing and hurting me. But I need Your help, Lord. I am unable to forgive on my own. If fact, Lord, I need You to help me to want to forgive_______________ Jesus, please help me to see_______________ as you see _______________. I thank you for Your forgiveness of my sins and Your understanding of my failures. I ask You to give me wisdom and understanding, I'm asking You to help me to know what to do and when to do it, for Lord, Your unconditional love for me is my hope and strength. I choose to trust You with my life. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me freedom from unforgiveness in my life. Amen.
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